Ok. So, I'm a little tipsy, you have to understand this. My brother is moving to Portland Oregon this week and this was the big send off, or rather a little send off because I wasn't invited to the big send off but hey, whatever. It was me and this guy named Mike who I think I met once before and of course, my brother was there, too. So we meet at one of these restaurant/bar chains in Cambridge and we are going to have drinks and order some appetizers. Well, we all get there and Joel is drinking Jack Daniels and Mike is drinking these huge goblets of beer and I'm ordering gin&tonics. They are strong but not super strong, however... however, they are huge. I mean like pint glasses of gin with a little tonic and a slice of lime. And they keep coming.

I drink these pretty fast.

And we are all geeks at the table making our geek jokes and Joel and Mike go on and on about poker and comics I've never heard of and I try to look interested but just end up drinking faster.

So

So I come home and pick up some onion rings and a hamburger sub on the way but it turns out to be ham because the guy at the counter misunderstood me. Why? I don't know. I don't think I was slurring my speech but who can be sure.

On the way up the hill to my house I munch on the onion rings. I'm getting crumbs all over myself but what else is new? These two people are walking towards me and I do my best to not show that I even notice them because noticing people is the first step to talking with them and we all know where that leads - straight to hell.

Anyway, I can't help but notice that these are two girls who look like they either just moved into the neighborhood or maybe came here for a party or to watch the baseball game at someone's house. They look like rich Northeastern students. I'm guessing a little because I was trying not to look at them as I might have mentioned before. Do they return the behavior by pretending not to see me?

Hell no. One of them, a blonde I think, says "hello" in a meek little voice like she's scared or embarrassed or something. Well, I figure my cover is blown and I can no longer hide behind my tacit invisibility so I flash her a drunken grin and I can feel crumbs from my onion rings fly off my lips on to my chin and shirt. etc... and I think "Well, she must think I'm some kind of troll, now" which is fine because it sometimes takes several meetings before I can establish my troll-itude.

And speaking of people who wont ignore me when I wish they would ignore me, Heather called.

At 11PM.

While I'm drunk and eating a ham sandwich which I didn't even want.

Which I think I dropped on the floor somewhere.

And of course, she wants to talk about the email I wrote to her explaining that I didn't feel like I could talk to her.

Is it just me or is that lunacy? Am I only seeing this because I'm drunk or will it still seem, well, absurd when I sober up.

And of course, she doesn't drink. So I'm thinking "This is just great. I'm tired, drunk and depressed. Great timing." and I figure if she thinks I'm drunk maybe she'll get offended and hang up. So I tell her I've been drinking and even crack a beer while we're talking. But no.

On the plus side I steer the conversation away from anything resembling any emotional exchange. She starts on about my email and I quickly change the subject to how she and her family are doing in Texas and movies and music and such.

Now my head hurts and I was perfectly happy when I got home.

On top of all this I've got to go to work tomorrow. Yikes!

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