2004-09-28 - 12:44 p.m.

On the way to work this morning I saw my first Segway. I guess some credulous moron decided to believe the hype and spend upwards of $5000 on a piece of solipsistic techno-lust. He could of course have spent that money on something useful and cheap, like a bike or a small car, and he could have spent the left over money to feed some homeless people. I don't know why I should think that these idiots would try that because, after all, they are buying a product marketed to people who have trouble spelling segue!

He obviously was just a little short of cash to buy a "Real doll" which is too bad because then this little bit of human cancer would probably have stayed home all day fucking a piece of plastic instead of polluting my visual field and bringing down the average intelligence at the Dunkin Donuts - not an insignificant accomplishment!

So, I get to work and the new guy's machine is on the fritz, so he has to use my second machine. This isn't a big deal for me as I normally only need that machine a few days out of the month. However, I had to warn him:

If you leave the machine, even for 10 seconds, you need to lock it or else our janitor will swoop down and start playing "online gin" on your computer.

He thought I was joking until our network admin piped in:

You know, it sounds so absurd when you hear it out loud.

I was talking to my new friend, S., last night and I mentioned how I listen to episodes of The Shadow when I get into bed - they help me fall asleep. I guess she hadn't heard of The Shadow so she asked me to describe him. I said he's a detective who can turn himself invisible by clouding men's minds with hypnosis and he can sometimes read their thoughts. She said that was creepy.

Well, it is a little creepy. What's creepier is the way Lamont Cranston's (The Shadow's secret identity) personality shifts so dramatically when he becomes The Shadow. He's a happy-go-lucky "man about town" until he starts his whole "clouding men's minds" thing and then he sounds like a psychopath. He has this maniacal laugh he always uses even when it is totally inappropriate - like when he is comforting someone. At first I though this was due to bad writing, but now I think it shows a real insight into The Shadow's character. This guy is schizo. I think he pre-dates Batman who also had a similar dichotomy.

Well, this friend I was talking with thinks a lot like me. It is pretty scary that she always seems to say things just before I say them, or if I do get it out first she always seems to share the sentiment. It is comforting to know that there is another person out there like me, but it is also scary how much she thinks like me.

On the one hand, I feel like I might actually be part of the human race since there is at least one person out there who is like me. On the other hand, it was nice, in a melancholy sort of way, to think that I was totally outside of humanity.

But I would miss her if she left.

She keeps telling me I will get bored with her and I keep thinking she will tire of my social ineptitude. It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop. First, someone interesting comes into your life who you really like and who seems to like you; then they rip your heart out of your chest via your lower intestine and smear the blood and gore all over your face and stick the heart in your mouth because your jaw is hanging open as you try, pitifully, to mouth the word "Why?" with your last ounce of strength.

But I am not going to dwell on what might be. I'm going to enjoy having this person in my life for as long as I can and we'll just see what happens. I'm not going to sabotage this friendship by trying to hasten what I imagine, falsely, to be inevitable.

Speaking of which, I feel like a total dork, but I'm making her the 21st century equivalent of a mix tape. I'm burning a CD for her. What a freak I am, right? It's just that I have wanted to share some of these songs with someone and there has basically been no one for me to share them with.

S., if you are reading this, I hope you will be around tonight so I can talk with you. I wanted to chat with you at work, but my boss and fifteen other people are back here every thirty seconds asking me to do shit.


0 comments so far