2004-10-15 - 9:46 a.m.

I didn't go to see Saw last night. I'll see it some other time I was just too tired. Plus I was angry at the world for having left me with these useless limbs. Why?!? Why me?!?

I'm in a much better mood than I have been in for the past few days, which is good for me, but perhaps not good for you my loyal and loving fans. When I'm in a good mood I just don't say funny things, but you must be used to that by now. "Oh there he goes, being all mood swingy," I can hear you saying. But man, did you have to say it in such a condescending voice? And could you please brush your teeth or use a breath mint? Would it hurt not to spit so much when you say that? OMG - you have a bugger coming out of your nose! Oh, I'm too grossed out to look! Get a fucking tissue you barbarian!

Ok, that's better. I can't stand talking to you when you have boogers coming out of you nose.

Anyway, I'm not just trying to get a lot of links from google searches involving the word "booger" or anything. I swear.


Fuck. I'm being childish now. Ok, time to act all adult - FUCK SHIT DAMN COCKSUCKER (I say that as if it is a bad thing... why is that?) FUCK HEAD MOTHERFUCKER DOUCHEBAG CORPSICLE BALLSWEAT PINCHED-LOAF FUCK FACE

Ok. Now I feel so much more mature.

So, now that I am feeling oh, so mature, I'm going to take up smoking. That's what all the cool, older kids do, right?

Actually, I'm thinking of becoming a father. Yep, you heard it first. I've decided to adopt. Follow this link to see my precious-wescious baby.

I'm going to try to get to the shelter on Saturday and if Felix and I hit it off, well, maybe I will plunk down the $80 and bring my little cutie-wootie home. And then go to a stupid fucking wedding rehearsal. Why the fuck am I in this wedding anyway? I have seen Jena only once since she left her job here, and I've only met Ricky once - ever! So, why? Oh, whatever. Hopefully there will be free drinks and I'll pound a couple back and make an ass out of myself. I'll tell you all about it next week. Heheheh. Maybe I'll pretend that I've been secretly in love with Jena all these years and shout adorations to her during the whole service... heheheh... that'll serve here right for including me in the fucking wedding... heheheh...

OR! OR! Or maybe I will hire some guy to pretend to be a secret husband! Some guy she married years ago and who she never divorced properly, just like in Jane Eyre.

If anyone else can think of some fiendish way for me to make an ass out of myself at the wedding let me know.

Also, does anyone know a good, reliable pet sitter in the Boston area? I'm going to be away for a week in November and I don't want my schnooky wookums to be all by himself.

One other thing, all of my limbs function correctly. I just couldn't think of a valid reason to be mad at the world. Oh, except for the fact that I'm surrounded by shallow, worthless idiots who aren't fit to clean my toilet let alone interact with me. There is always that, right?

Reading about my furry little man!
Wishing I could go home and take a nap.
Plotting to ruin every wedding I ever go to. A noble goal, yes? Except Jen's wedding. She's a-ok in my book.

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