2004-12-29 - 8:28 p.m.

Ok, ok, ok.




Alrighty, then. Here goes. Right about now... and...

Ok, so it's like this. I'm working on a story right now and it's pretty scary because I don't know if I am just trying to make a point or if it's a story I need to tell. A conundrum...

But that isn't what I want to write about tonight. Tonight my head hurts and I'm hungry and I'm tired. So, yeah, this will be whiny entry. Strap yourselves in for the ride of your life!

Yeah. Strapped in yet? Don't worry, take your time.


I don't even know why I try writing sometimes. I mean... am I just a hack? (Wait a minute! This isn't whining so much as self-pity! I can't believe Crate would change the tone of this entry so quickly and without warning. His writing is just too stressful for me. I think I'll go watch CSI:Missouri or Law & Order: Specially-Abled Victims Unit)

Well, I hope that all the whining and self-pity has scared away the weak hearted because what I'm about to tell you is absolutely top secret. In fact, maybe I should write it in code.


See! I told you!

Now, back at the castle I've got all the supporting documentation. Just come on by anytime. Don't worry. I've turned off the deadly defense arsenal. Really...

Not much is happening today. Kettle's shoes have stopped squeaking and now her pants are rubbing together and making noise. She mentioned this to me as I never would have noticed because I try to create a field of complete obliviousness around my desk. It's easier to work if I imagine the entire world has stopped or I'm in some kind of fortress of solitude (Not to be confused with the Fortress of Solicitude or the Fortress of Solicitors or the Fortress of Soliciting a Minor or the Fortress of Salutations - none of those are places you want to go. The Fortress of Salutations isn't too bad, but it's kind of creepy seeing people greeting one another over and over again.) Bottom line: Kettle comes up to me and announces that she is wearing noisy pants. Shoes: quiet. Pants: noisy.

So I say "Why not just give in. Make yourself as noisy as possible. Wear a bell or something."

She seemed to think this was a good idea. I can't wait to see if she comes into work tomorrow wearing a bell around her neck. Would that make her a Belle with a bell? HA! I made a funny. Or a stinky. I don't know which.

Well, this has all been pretty pointless. Alright, back to your regularly scheduled lives of quiet desperation.

You heard me! If I don't see some silent despair right now, why I'll give you something to mope quietly about!

Me, I'm needed elsewhere. The world is crying out for a hero and I think I'm the man for the job. I just hope it has good benefits. Perhaps tomorrow I'll tell you about my secret origin and my mysterious powers.

Reading Hebrews 9
Plotting a more linear dland update for later in the week

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