2005-04-11 - 6:48 a.m.

I spent Saturday morning with three friends. We talked about all sorts of things and spent some time praying for each other and for the world. I mentioned how the books that have meant the most to me over the last few years have all been non-fiction or children's books. Each of the three agreed and each of them mentioned how much they like children's books and I realized that I could easily love these people if I am not careful.

Why does it hurt so much to like people?

And now I am alone and I am virtually in agony. I think spending time with people makes being alone more painful. And I'm sick of it. And I'm already deciding that I wont post this, but who knows.

And I need to reclaim the idea of writing a children's novel. And I need to do my taxes. And I need to do the dishes. And I had way, way too much chicken for lunch and now I am sickened with myself. AndAndAndAnd.

And I hate freakin' TaxCut. HATE. Next year I'm dishing out the extra moola for Turbo Tax.

Hear that H&R Block?

Probably not. No one hears this, except maybe E-Beth who sings my entries for some reason. But she probably hasn't sung the last few as they were awfully cerebral and wordy. I promise to be more low-brow this week. My brow can get pretty low, too. I got low brow jokes so funny that I can't even tell them; you'll just have to use your imagination. Without going into details it involves TaxCut quality control testers screaming for dear mercy and praying that certain body parts can be re-attached. I'll leave the details to your sick imaginations.

But it's not just vengeance humor. I can tell dirty jokes, too. Ones that involve TaxCut executives being cuckolded. I love the word cuckold. In fact, I love linguistic humor - puns, for instance. Or jokes which revolve around the similarity of words or rhymes and so forth. For instance, I know one joke that involves TaxCut programmers and a phrase that rhymes with "duck two sass tolls".

Perhaps that will be my second book. A book of jokes all of which involve people involved with the product TaxCut. It will be a cult hit, no doubt. The audience will be limited, but angry.

In other news, I'm coming up in search engines. I'm on the 5th page of results on google.com.au for wedding vows funny. I'm also the 25th result on yahoo for "mabel stark".

Man, that goes back a long way...Mabel Stark... ah, memories. That was during my "spiritual coma" when everything seemed to disintegrate. Ah, good times, good times.

Yesterday was a lovely day in Boston. Sunny and warm. Today is going to be a little chilly but still it seems like winter has breathed its last. In fact, today is opening day at Fenway Park. Yay! The wonderful little thing that all people who live or work near Fenway love more than anything else... Opening Day!

"Richard? Are you really excited about opening day?" No, dear readers, no. But I've decided to celebrate what I cannot avoid. I figure opening day is a rite of initiation that I have to go through in order to enjoy warm weather. It's unavoidable. It makes me feel awful. It arrives with great regularity yet its laws are complex and its exact time is difficult to predict. It ends up ruining my day but I feel like I need to be upbeat about it. Oh, and there ends up being a huge mess to clean up. It makes me grumpy and short tempered and I hate hearing jokes about it. I compensate for it by eating a lot of really awful yet comforting food.

Anyway, my time is almost up. Gotta go to work.


34 comments so far