2005-05-16 - 8:52 a.m.

Last night I couldn't get to sleep for quite a while and when I did sleep I had some very odd dreams. One of them involved my cat hovering over me, staring at me through his weird, alien eyes... Oh, wait. That wasn't a dream. Darn cat does that every night. But I did have some odd dreams.

One of them involved little, tiny, translucent frogs. And when I say translucent, I don't mean if you put them up to a bright light you might see a little bit through them, but they were clear as glass. Even from a distance you could see their little froggy hearts beating and their tiny froggy lungs pumping and the froggy bones holding their froggy skin and organs in place. I was fascinated and disgusted by them at the same time.

Anyway, last night was the penultimate Alpha session for this semester. Man, it's sad. I hope everyone stays in touch. Good bunch of kids. Well, some of them were around my age, but it's hard not to think of them as kids because they all look to me as if I know what's going on, which is kind of funny since I'm about as clueless as they come.

But next week is the celebration dinner! Yay! Jen is going to cook something wonderful and there will be some kind of musical interlude performed by one of the students and man, I'm getting all excited already! I just love Alpha so much.

Making friends with people is difficult. I don't know about everyone else, but I find it especially awkward to make friends with other guys. It shouldn't be that way, but I never learned the social skills necessary to build healthy friendships with people. When I was in High School and College pot and booze helped overcome these skill deficits, but it is a lot harder now that I don't smoke at all and keep the drinking to a minimum.

Anyway, I stress out over making friendships. It's worse than dating. I don't know why that is, but I have a much easier time asking someone if they want to go on a date with an eye to a romantic relationship than I do asking someone if they just want to hang out and be friends. And then it is a while before I feel comfortable with them as a friend.

But I really don't have all that many friends. And almost all of them are women, which my shrink says is "a-ok" but I think it is kind of weird. I mean, I have no close male friendships. I used to but it's been years since I've had one. Isn't that messed-up?

Heather#1 reinforced this idea when I was complaining about how much attention my cat needs. The only reason I got him is because everyone told me cats are easy to take care of and don't need a lot of attention. Well, my cat is an attention hog. I told H#1 about this and she said that women think cats are just so adorable that they don't mind having to take care of them.

Maybe she's right. Plus girls just don't dig Invader Zim. I can only think of one exception. She's exceptional in other ways, too.


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