2005-07-04 - 9:56 p.m.

Stefanie came over recently. We listened to Sufjan Stevens while she drank vodka. Then I gave her some chicken I had cooked because I am a wonderful host. The kitty was not as enthusiastic as I expected him to be. Perhaps the heat has made him mellow.

Stefanie asked me why I had stopped my writing project. I didn't really have a good answer for her. I feel like I have lost my voice. I don't really know what I want to write anymore. I can't even figure out what to read most days, so how am I suppose to write?

I cut out of work really early on Thursday and had Friday off. I am paranoid that I will come in on Tuesday and the boss will say "Where were you Thursday afternoon?" If I'm lucky he'll fire me. But the more likely scenario is that no one missed me.

Went to Jen's birthday party Friday night. I found myself much more relaxed than I usually am at parties. But still, it was very obvious I was tense. It takes me a while to get used to groups and to adjust to people. Parties scare me. Even small ones. This one was almost not totally terrifying, though, and I wished I could have stayed later.

I'm going to look for my next girlfriend in a graveyard.

Saturday morning I saw the cutest thing. This handicapped guy was zooming along on his motorized wheelchair and in his lap was his girlfriend/wife/whatever hanging on to him for dear life.

I feel pretty depressed right now. I think it's because I've spent the whole day inside, by myself, doing nothing. I've watched a lot of DVDs - 6 episodes of Home Movies and that might be contributing to it as well. It's been a while since I've felt this down.

Anyway, it could also be my sleep cycle being altered.

Grand Moff Kitty is staring at a fan. An inactive fan. I could understand him staring at a fan that was on, but what interests that tiny little Moff mind about a fan that isn't even running? Unless... unless this fan is plotting with him. This will be my undoing, no doubt. The cat wants to be free or perhaps he even wants to start some kind of breakaway republic. He and the fan will go to one of the other rooms in the apartment and secede from the apartment. But there can be no compromise on the important issues: dander, staying out of the garbage, eating of small bugs, etc... And an apartment divided cannot stand. So it looks like war, folks.

If anyone wants to design some relevant political T-shirts, that would be great. "No War for Cat Food" or maybe "Don't Tread on My Tail" or "I Survived a Long, Vicious Civil War Between Richard and his Cat and All I Got was this Lousy T-Shirt (complete with real lice... stupid cat)"

So, if you don't hear from me for a while, it could be that the forces of history have thrown Smitey and I into a struggle that we cannot truly understand, in which there are only losers.


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