So, I am at this party and this woman comes up to me and says "If you could write your own epitaph, how would it go?"

I responded "That's an academic question if I get you before you get me, isn't it?" while reaching for one of my concealed defensive devices

She replied "That would be a strange epitaph, don't you think?"

I think I'm in love!

Reading about to start A Tale of Two Cities
Wishing I hadn't spilt soup on my shirt
Plotting to go back in time and murder the man who invented soup or shirts or maybe both