Still with the HTML. I don't know how much longer I can take this. Almost done, though and then I have to pull a brand new payment system out of my ass. Pass the speculum please. Thank you sir, may I have another. Feh.

But it has been a really good day overall. Friends bearing good news, boss is out of the country, someone actually responded to my profile on one of these dating websites. She obviously has never read my diaryland page, right? Can I get an "amen"? Don't leave me hanging.

However, I would like to say that my online personality is not how I am in real life. As someone who is becoming familiar with both of my personalities pointed out, I almost never say "fuck" or "shit" in actual conversation. Oddly enough I have no problem saying "Eat shit you stupid fucking fuckers before I stick my fist so far up your ass I'll be able to put my fingers through your eye sockets and use your face as a hand puppet" when I'm online. Funny, isn't it? I think I put all of my rage into this journal. I hope that is it at least. I think one disordered personality is enough. I'd hate to think I had two.

Speaking of disorders, I've been harangued into trying to overcome my fear of falling. You see, my apartment was getting progressively darker as more and more light bulbs would burn out. I can't climb the step ladder because I get spooked almost immediately. A friend of mine came over (Don't worry - she is only the fourth guest I've had over to my place since I've lived here. It's not like I am becoming a social butterfly or something. Two of those four were my parents and they don't count because they hate me.) and was nice enough to try and change some bulbs. Well, she did change all of them, but one of them still didn't work - I'm guessing the fixture is broken. After laughing a sufficient amount of time at my terrible and dark secret fear, she challenged me to overcome my fear. I said I would try, but only a little at a time. Tonight I will climb to the second step while near a wall I can lean on. I'm a little worried that I will plateau there, but I also know enough not to push myself too hard.

My parents don't really hate me. That was a pathetic bid for attention. I'm always lying to you guys and you are the only ones who listen. I owe you more than that. From now on, I will tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth unless the lie would be noticeably funnier.

Here are some other lies and rumors circulating about me about which I'd like to come clean.

• I do not subsist completely on Ho-Hos. I occasionally will eat a Tasty Kake brand Butterscotch Krimpet
• I am not now nor ever have been a fluffer for the adult film industry
• I do not secretly have 30 women tied up in my basement whom I repeatedly impregnate as part of my plan to breed a race of super men to do my bidding
• The character Milton Waddams in the movie Office Space was not based on me

Few! I'm glad I got all of that out of my system. Now I've got to run. I've got some...er...work to do in my basement.

Reading
Wishing I had the MAD HTML SKILLZ so I could get this shit done right now
Plotting to start saying "shit" and "fuck" more in casual conversation