2004-12-30 - 9:18 a.m.

Dramatronic lights flashing in my brain, wondering what crawled inside there to a self-inflicted death, but not just any death: a lingering, lovely, lunatic death.

Deletemeyousillyspacebar of an alien control in a video game I used to play with my YM eyes closed listening to the sounds and feeling the screen thinking i could tell the color of the pixels if my hands became sensitive enough but it was just a dream; a dream of a cassette tape sent though the mail with the wrong address and I wait and wait because it has that one song whose name i don't know but I can't get the tune out of my head. I can't do it. But the tape never comes. Instead it arrives at the suicidal house of some girl and she hears it and thinks ain't it great that you can get up one morning and find a cassette in your maily-mail box totally unexpected and it has a song on it that will haunt you forever and it's kind of like an arranged marriage. Kind of like tonight., kind of like the sky when the sun has gone dead... kind of like a lifeless moon hanging in the sky... kind of like a flavor you've never tasted but you crave. You know what I mean, right?

Please tell me you know what I mean.

Reading Gospel Fear by Jeremiah Burroughs (no known relation to William S.)
Wishing Jeremiah Burroughs was the great grandpappy of William S. Burroughs
Plotting to alter the timeline a little in order to make my wish come true!

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