2005-04-28 - 6:18 a.m.

I'm "going out of my mind tired" once again. I was out quite late last night and woke up early this morning. And now I can barely focus. Went to a local Irish bar named Kinsale with the folks from my bible study, and then as everyone was going home, Stephanie, the study leader, and I are walking to the T together, and she mentions going out for coffee with some other people she knows. Normally I would have said "Well, it's kind of late for me" but I just felt this enormous attraction to her.

I can't really put my finger on it. She isn't my type, for example, but I just couldn't tear myself away.

So we walk over to this Italian cafe over near the Charles River and sit down with about twenty other people - most of whom I didn't meet, which was a relief! Well, for those of you who know, I rarely voluntarily enter situations with so many people involved. It just overwhelms me. Oh, for the days of drug abuse where I could just blot out all my nervousness...

Anyway, we spent an hour or an hour and a half there, chatting with these people I don't know and then Stephanie, a couple of the other people and I walk over to the T - the Boston subway system.. I live on the Orange Line, but I know Stephanie takes the Green Line home. In fact, she doesn't live that far from me, so I decide - it's been a while since I've taken the Green Line, and I only end up walking a few extra blocks, so, what the heck. I'll just take the Green Line tonight.

So we chatted about work and so forth until she disembarked and I rode a couple more stops - which didn't actually get me much close to home I realized.

And now I am left to try and figure out what to do. I hate this part. She works near me, so we could easily meet for lunch, I imagine. She lives near me, so dinner might work, too - not that there are many nice restaurants in our neighborhood.

Or is this just a passing thing? Will that spark be there today? And what about Heather? Will I be able to get into a relationship and not think "Well, what if Heather were to come back to Boston?"

And then there is the fact that we don't have all that much in common. Different backgrounds, different interests. What would we talk about?

Oh, I don't know. And I said some stupid things, too, which might make her think I'm a complete freak. Things which need to be qualified and explained and put into context. So who knows if she would even be interested.

I just hate this part...

Reading Red Moon Rising - I can't remember who wrote it. It's quite good, though.

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